The story is too long to go into now, but surfice it to say that when I was about 10 or so, my daddy thought his Episcopalian son ought to attend Hebrew school at the local schul so he could learn and know about that very interesting and important culture.
<<---Myron Cohen, Balinese Room Headliner
So from that came my rabid interest in and love for Jewish humor. All of my Jewish friends send me this stuff because they know how much I like it.
I used to be able to tell stories with a reasonable impersonation of Yiddish comedian, Myron Cohen. But somewhere along the way, I stopped doing it and it caused me to lose my accent.
This piece was sent to me by U.S. Attorney, Joe Mirsky.
THINGS YOU DIDN'T LEARN IN HEBREW SCHOOL
1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants
and white shoes for pinochle.
7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
8. After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Neiman-Marcus.
9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
13. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.
14. WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.
15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is
suspended..
18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But, if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.
BILL CHERRY, REALTORS
DALLAS - PARK CITIES
Since 1964
214 503-8563
Bill - Thanks for the humor. I must have been exposed more than I realized. I have added your thought to my cross-cultural experiences.
This is funny. Thanks for the starting off my Friday with good humor! Have a good weekend.
Larry, glad you liked it and that we're on the same wave length. Thanks for posting!
Bill
Jasmine.....what a neat name!
Funny stuff Bill. I will have to share a few of those with my Jewish friends.
Hilarious! I can see some of the gentiles scratching their heads at some of them -- but if you know your Judaism they're spot on!
Thanks to you, too, Dan and Richard.
Those who enjoy Jewish humor will like Arthur Naiman's 1981 pocket size book, Every Goy's Guide to Common Jewish Expressions.